Bedtime Stories

Since Shane and I got married, we have had some crazy adventures in the bedroom! You see, Shane is a big sleep talker, so I record his talking when I can.

The following are some exact quotes from him:


"I'm sorry, I have the wrong number. They said to call back in two days to see if they want us to come."

"You don't think I see it?! I'm looking at it right now! It's causing my butt crack to spread. I wish I wasn't here, I want to be in the door knob."

"If you dial down the center, you can save some money that can go towards buying a new gazebo."

"We're stuck on this stupid ship, but it could be worse, we could be stuck in the audience. Heh heh heh."

"It tasted like chocolate, but I've never had a krispy kreme donut."

*Shane farts*
Candice: "What was that?"
Shane" The baby farted, the baby farted on my hand."

"BMW Triumph, the dealership has it. I need to find the red one so they'll stop looking for me. I don't have clothes on."

"I'm grabbing Snoopy. Turn off the light."

"Madonna."

"I don't like this. We should move to California where there's earthquakes."

"We're not naked. I'm not naked. I thought you didn't like this movie."

"Do we have a rocket? I don't want to put a baby in a rocket. The boy's name is gonna be Sonic the Hedgehog. I don't know girl names, he wears a dress. Forty-two."

"Yeah she'd probably pee."

"I'm not done! What are you talking about? I don't wanna talk about me!"

"Who is this? I've had that question asked three times twice."

"I don't remember how my hand got here. I'm having thought bubbles."

There are many more funny things that have been said in the past nine months, these are just a few of my favorites. (They may not seem THAT funny, but the voice he uses when he's asleep is hilarious, especially at two-thirty in the morning!)

My husband is so fun!